I am a tortured soul. It is true. Mr B&B won’t give me the one thing I want. The one thing I need. Yes, Mr B&B is withholding his facial hair. He tries. He starts to grow a moustache and then gives up stating “it’s too itchy”. Pah.
I make no secret of my obsession love for moustaches. People buy me moustachioed gifts, they knit me moustaches. I get emails, texts and tweets from people who have found the latest moustache product. Playmobil even made me my own moustachioed family. They all try so very hard to fill the void.
In an attempt to make up for his pathetic mo-growing skills Mr B&B designed this wonderful moustache print for me. If you too are monumentally moonstruck by marvellous moustaches, you might want to display one on your wall for all to see!
You can get one here.
My Top 10 Moustaches List
1. Tom Selleck
This will ALWAYS be my number one moustache. What’s not to love, it even accentuates his cheeky dimples and his naughty eyes. My love for Tom started with Magnum PI and I still watch him, at the grand old age of eleventy-five, in Blue Bloods. Cor.
2. Burt Reynolds
I used to hold Burt in the same esteem as Selleck. However, have you seen his face recently? It’s like a very taught, but doughy, piece of orange plasticine. It’s not attractive. Therefore Burt has moved down my list and I can only submit his moustache prior to his facial surgery.
3. Freddy Mercury
Strutting his stuff in his pinny and his vacuum cleaner or in a white vest, and tight jeans, his moustache is a beauty.
4. Salvador Dali
I was fortunate enough to visit the Dali museum in St Petersburg, Florida, last year. The man was mad as a box of frogs – but with his madness came sheer genius. I like to think he kept some of his genius in his amazing moustache.
5. Hercules Poirot
If I had just murdered someone on the Orient Express and Poirot entered a room to question me, twirling the ends of his moustache, I would confess all.
6. Charlie Chaplin
I felt I couldn’t compile a list of top ten moustaches and leave this cheeky chap out. The iconic moustache. That is all.
7. Jonny Depp
Jonny Depp has a very understated moustache but without it I don’t think Pirates of the Caribbean would have been the same. I’m not talking about that beaded beardy thing he had, that could have ruined it, was it not for the moustache. Yes, I am saying that Captain Jack’s moustache was the SOLE reason that the film was so successful.
8. Richard Pryor
If ever a moustache complimented a face it was this one. Seriously? Have you seen pictures of him without it? Wrong, all wrong.
9. Clark Gable
Another cheeky dimpled face complimented by a moustache. His moustache change shape, very thin, sometimes bushier. I’m sure Scarlett O’Hara prefered the thin version … as do I.
10. Lemmy from Motorhead
Facial warts aside Lemmy’s moustache is amazing purely because of it’s ferocity. It almost encases his entire face, but is no way shape or form any kind of beard. The Lemmy is a moustache not to be messed with. I once spoke to Lemmy on the phone, he was after my housemate who was a long-time roadie. He called me Doll, I can’t believe that anyone without a wraparound-sideburn-joiner would ever have the guts to call someone Doll at 8am.